Woman’s Lazy Fiancé Refuses to Put Work Into Their Move, She Reconsiders Their Relationship

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    r/TrueOffMyChest • 3 c hazelnutalpaca My fiance made a comment I can't get over. It won't stop repeating in my head.
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    Edit: I did not expect this post to be seen by so many people. Don't be surprised if this is randomly deleted due to my building anxiety over the post. I feel dumb for not using a throwaway. I greatly appreciate everyone's perspectives and honesty about my situation, especially those with personal experience. I am answering some
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    questions since they have popped up. 1. yes he does have adhd. That is part of his health issues he hasn't addressed 2. I have stayed beside him because he supported me so much through my mental health journey. He was able
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    to get me on meds and therapy for my anxiety/depression. He truly has supported me though my. Mental health struggles. It feels wrong to abandon him while he is going through the same thing. 3. we do see a couples counselor who I will be discussing this with next
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    week. I have been with my partner (27f, 28m) for 6 years. I have always communicated with my partner that I don't want to live in the state we are living in forever. I have few opportunities for my degree, hobbies, and passions. He has always been open and agreed with this. For the past 3
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    years, I have been trying to establish a move out date. Every 6 months, I open up about my feelings about feeling stuck and how miserable I am to live in a state that restricts my autonomy and views myself and my friends as inhuman. However, we always end up pushing back the conversation because of his
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    goals. Establishing more savings, transitioning to a new job, or just stuff that needs to be taken off his plate before he is willing to move.
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    This weekend was another one of those times. I even tried to just tell him I am fine, and I will get over it, but he insisted I could tell him what was wrong. Eventually, he got frustrated with the conversation. His perspective is that it doesn't matter if we move, that doesn't automatically make you happy. This frustrated me as I
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    am a rational human being and already understand this. I could be happy anywhere, but why can't I move away from a place that doesn't make feel fulfilled or happy either? Who cares if I am unhappy there if I am also unhappy here? During this time, he stated "the only reason you want me to come up with a date is so I can do all the work."
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    I have been ruminating on this statement since. This man has dropped the ball on so many of his responsibilities. He had a $1600 car loan go to collections and hasn't paid it yet. He had over 3 years of tax returns past due and not submitted (edit: w are now submitted, but the oldest one still needs to be mailed to
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    the irs office. They are aware it is on the way). He has several health issues he has not seen the doctor/dentist for in years. I have been disappointed by him several times due to not taking vacation time off for us to go to planned vacations, forgetting gifts and favors. Etcetera. I would never even DREAM of putting the responsibility of moving on his
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    shoulders, because I would only expect to be disappointed.
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    He said we would discuss our issues later but what's the point? I have been trying to talk about moving for years. There is a part of me so offended that I feel like I have to move out and end our relationship to prove it to him that I am capable of moving alone. But I know that is a petty, angry side of me.
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    Quick edit since I see it in comments: he has triple the savings I do. He has enough money to pay all his debt and more. That is part of my frustration.
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    -Holy_cOW- 3d ago Write a list of pros and cons of this relationship and decide if you want to go into your 30s together. You're not young forever and he sounds burdensome
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    Plastic Mysterious... • 3d ago How are you gonna get another house with a person who can't even pay for a car? I wouldn't move anywhere with him.
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    Strong_Storm_2167 • 3d ago I would stop wasting your life with this person. Both of you have different viewpoints and lifestyles. He will keep holding you back. Why are you sacrificing yourself for his goals at the detriment of yours.
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    You need to live your life the way you want to and not be held back by others. Start making the plan now to move and actually do it.
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    I think at this point you know the relationship is not going to continue and he is going to continue to hold you back. He is not right for you.
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    kerill333 • 3d ago Please don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy with him. You deserve better.

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